


Ballistic Trauma: Deleted Scene (or: That Time Varla Inadvertently Made Two Grown Men Her Bitches Without Even Really Trying)

by ramathorne



Category: House of the Dead: Overkill
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, actual warnings:, canon-typical offense to anyone in existence, canon-typical vulgarity, just..., mostly pointless drabble that turned into an exercise of 'how many times can i f-bomb this feasibly', probably best fits as gen but was supposed to lead into pre-slash if you squint hard enough, varla only shows up in this for two sentences, which makes it more hilarious imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:30:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramathorne/pseuds/ramathorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hasn't been around G for very long, but he knows this: The guy's kind of emotionally and socially fucking stunted. So when he asks, "What kind of badass cop out for revenge manicures before a job?" Wash can't tell if he's being condescending or if he's genuinely curious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ballistic Trauma: Deleted Scene (or: That Time Varla Inadvertently Made Two Grown Men Her Bitches Without Even Really Trying)

**Author's Note:**

> originally this was supposed to be one in a series of extra scenes leading to some self-indulgent man bonding with mouths, but i don't have the attention span for that. apparently, i only have enough of one to curse 31 times in 420 words. (blazeit)

They're still trying to flee the hospital when G says, "So..."

Washington is not gonna let him finish that fucking sentence. No mother _fucking_ way.

"I am motherfucking covered in blood, bile, and your motherfucking mutants' fecal fucking _matter_ , running for my motherfucking LIFE from a fucking bomb Ceasar planted in this mother _fucking_ hospital, and you want to fucking TALK right now?!" He shouts, as they round the corner. His statement is punctuated with a hail of bullets descending upon whatever zomb--mutants are left screaming for murder. "What the FUCK could you motherfucking want to talk about right fucking now?!"

He hasn't been around G for very long, but he knows this: The guy's kind of emotionally and socially fucking stunted. So when he asks, "What kind of badass cop out for revenge manicures before a job?" Wash can't tell if he's being condescending or if he's genuinely curious.

"WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He explodes, instead, as they dash down a hallway, hordes of mutants closing in around them. Washington raises his magnums. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D FUCKIN' ASK THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! IF YOU HADN'T MOTHERFUCKING NOTICED, WE ARE RUNNING--" BLAM, "--FROM A MOTHERFUCKING--" BLAMBLAM, "TICKING BOMB--" BLAMBLAMblamBLAM, and fuck, G stole his perfect headshot, _motherfucker_ , "IN A MOTHERFUCKING HOSPITAL--"

"Filled with mutants?" G adds, helpfully, picking off his share of runners from the left with precise, elegant shots from his hand cannon, like he isn't a trigger-happy stick in the mud.

"FILLED WITH MOTHERFUCKING _ZOMBIES_!"

"Don't call them zombies. They're not zombies!"

"I WILL MOTHERFUCKING CALL THEM WHATEVER THE MOTHERFUCK I WANT, MOTHERFUCKER!" And, yeah, Wash kind of screams that last part. His voice goes a little thready, but hopefully G doesn't hear it. Or remember it.

Because as soon as they descend the steps, G's fucking car explodes.

Wash is so close, so fucking close to a really good comeback, something about Motherfucking Karma and shit, but then that hot chick comes roaring up with a motorcycle, and before he knows it, he's crammed tight in the motherfucking side-car and G is riding bitch seat. Which, honestly, behind _that_  ass? Wouldn't be half bad. His only peace comes when Varla gives Agent G the nastiest bitch face of all time in response to his attempt at putting his arms around her middle.

"Serves you motherfuckin' _right_!" He shouts, when they take off, and graciously ignores the way G fumbles back to grab at the meat of his shoulder to prevent himself from falling.


End file.
